Cold
by NoNature
Summary: There wasn't much left of her anymore, she remembered that every time she faced a mirror, every time she was confronted with her own hollow eyes. They were dead and she was almost certain she hadn't been the only one too notice."


**(I was listening to some music, as you do, and wasn't really paying attention and then all of a sudden I zoned back into the real world and took notice of the song and the lyrics. It made my brain pretty much short circuit with excitement because of the fic idea it gave me (see below). So since I got the shits at my iPod for sprouting legs and going on a suicide run (it no longer works as of 4 hours ago) I stayed up to get this out of my head and onto the paper. I typed it up and there you have it. Enjoy, please tell me what you think.)**

Cold. So cold that the pores of her skin had perked up into goose bumps. So cold that she could feel her nose turning pink. So cold that she did not mind it. In fact, she enjoyed it because it made her feel alive.

Not much did these days, so she found herself in the cold quite a lot. And strangely, tonight, she was in the dark. After being locked up in a hot cell for three months, she had leant to hate the dark. She would sleep with the lamps on in her bedroom now because of the despise she felt for the dark. Though, the only place she seemed welcomed it was here.

Here on a cold wooden bench, in a barren park, at a late hour of the night. She came here almost every night now, wanting to feel alive. There wasn't much left of her anymore, she remembered that every time she faced a mirror, every time she was confronted with her own hollow eyes. They were dead and she was almost certain she hadn't been the only one too notice.

The light wind played with the wisps of hair that lay around her face. She heard the grass crunch softly behind her, alerting her to someone's presence. She knew it was him.

* * *

He could slightly see her outline in the distance sitting on a park bench, alone.

He wondered what she was doing. He shivered, it was cold tonight. Moving closer he padded through the short, professionally cut grass until he was barely two metres away from her. When he saw her demeanour change, he realised she knew he was there.

She abruptly stood, startling him and spun around to face him. She spoke.

"Oh what the hell Tony, join me. I just can't win for losing anyway." She gestured towards the bench between them and smiled genuinely. He wasn't too sure what she had meant by her words, but none the less he rounded the bench as she sat back down and seated himself beside her. He didn't know why he was here, he had gone to her apartment and witnessed her leaving. So he had decided to follow her, out of concern more than anything. They sat in silence for a few moments before he spoke.

"I don't know what I'm doing. I mean, I don't know now."

He could see her face clearly in the moonlight, she didn't look at him but simply rubbed her eyes.

"It is funny how the night can make you blind." He said it with a fed up tone, she wasn't entirely sure what the cause of it was but she did realise what he meant.

"Yes, I can imagine." She quickly glanced at him while giving a quick nod of her head before gazing back into the darkness.

He didn't know what he was supposed to say after that, but he could tell she wasn't up to following where this conversation could lead so he let her be. They again sat in silence, this time she was the one that disrupted it first. He heard her sniff, it could have just been because of the cold but he couldn't shake the thought of there being plenty more to it. He shifted his position so that he could look at her properly and noticed the lone tear trailing down her cheek.

She was still looking into the distance but had felt him move. She could feel his eyes on her and the temptation to return the favour was too much. She quickly glanced at him but looked away fast. She saw his expression of worry and concern and he saw hers. It was the same look she had given him that time they had rescued Agent Lee's little sister and Gibbs had to tell her that Agent Lee was dead. So he continued to bore into her until she cracked.

"I cannot take this anymore." Finally she spoke and her voice sounded as broken as she looked. He felt as if he couldn't help her, but he was sure as hell going to try.

"Can't take what Ziva?" His voice was unusually quiet and it struck a different chord in her.

"This." Her answer was vague but somehow Tony knew exactly what she meant. She clarified it anyway. "All of it. I come out here because it's cold and I can feel the cold. I can feel it." She raised her hand and made it into a fist, punching the air in front of her downwards. "And if I feel it, it means I'm alive." She wiped the tear from her face and dropped her hand back to her lap. Tony still sat there silently staring at her. He hadn't expected her to actually honestly answer him. He'd expected some sort of deflective answer or sarcastic joke. Not the heartfelt truth.

He could tell she had tried her best to shove her response back down into the little box she hides it in, but she didn't win. She sat and stared into the distance. It felt like all night and he knew he could break her concentration and grab her attention, but he didn't. It didn't feel right.

The moonlight still lit up her face to him, it made her skin shimmer. She brought her hands up to her face and rubbed her eyes again. This time though she didn't let them fall back to her lap, she kept them there and he heard her breathe in sharply as if she was trying to hold something in. She let the breath out, it was shaky and full of pain. There was something less about her, he could see it so clearly now.

When they had lost her, when he, had lost her. She had suffered tremendously. When they found her, when he found her, she was nothing but a body. A body full of scars, cuts and bruises. Her eyes had no light, they were empty and haunting. Just like they are tonight, and every other moment since her return. He at last looked away from her, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. So he simply leant his elbows on his knees, put his face in his hands, and cried too, but didn't let her see.

She pulled her hands away from her face and saw that he had moved from looking at her to bending over, with his own face in his hands. She sniffed and wiped one of her eyes with the back of her hand. She whispered to herself, shaking her head. "I cannot take this anymore."

"I tried my best Tony, but I cannot win this on my own." She is now looking at him. Tracing patterns in his shoulder with her eyes. He slyly sits up and quickly wipes his own eyes before facing her. Both of them trading expressions of shock. He was shocked at how torn she looked, while she was shocked that he had been crying. She turned away again and shut out the night, trying to close here eyes, but she finds it hard to run away from him again. She needs him and he needs her. He moves close to her and pulls her to him, when her face connects with his chest she lets it all go and he knows she'll be alright, just not tonight.

He rubs her back in strong comforting circles, not wanting to ever move from this position. She whispers again to him. "I cannot take this anymore Tony." This time his whispers back.

"I know." He reluctantly lets got of her and she looks up to face him, the moonlight showing more of her than ever. He runs his hand gently over her cheek to wipe away her tears and tells her. "You're tears are like diamonds Ziva, I don't like to ever see them fall. It's hard to see them on the ground." Her lip began to quiver and he knew it wasn't from the pain she was carrying, it was from the love she saw he felt for her. He feels like he can't help her, but he doesn't realise how much he already has.

**(Ten points goes to the person who guesses the song it's based off. It's not that difficult, I think. So no cheating with Google. :D**

**P.S I cannot be EFFED proof reading this, it's 6am, I'm tired and I have a friend arriving in 6 hours or so. So please excuse all typos, sentences that don't make butt shit sense and just plain nuttiness.)**


End file.
